A LOKO LOVE LETTER
My heart says sometimes: “ let me stop for a minute and think about it”. I use to go to Starbucks and order a Venti triple expresso. A new drink called Four Loko, has added some flavoring of taurine, guarine, wormwood (absinthe), and 6 packages of sugar. It is topped off with 6 cans of compressed beer (12% alcohol) and I now have a great college drink guaranteed to put me in LaLa land, or possibly the ER.
If I drank on an empty stomach, my blood alcohol would read around 0.40 the low end, approaching death. I can get all this for only $3 at any convenient store. If I want to get a Four Loko light, (9% alcohol), I order Joose, and if I want extra lite, Sparks is for me. I can just drink one, and quickly feel wasted,and don’t need any refills. The nice thing is I am totallly stoned,but wide awake, and manage to somehow drive home.
Interestingly, they added wormwood to the beverage, in place of the usual hops I get in my beer. The wormwood has absenthe, called the Green fairy, which is used to flavor the beverage. It was prohibited in the US in 1912, but I’m glad the Green fairy is back again. It has a very bitter taste but the fruity flavor with a lot of sugar covers the bitterness up. Normally it’s green in color, but the sugar turns that snowy white. I hear it was used for putrefaction, perhaps that’s why I no longer pass gas. it was used in the past to lower fever and also as an aphrodisiac. This should counteract the six cans of beer that I would’ve drank instead.
There is an oil called thujone, that makes the wormwood toxic. It stimulates the heart and depresses the brain, (Neat huh!) I hear it can be toxic to my liver and my brain, but i watch myself and don’t get refills. Wormwood also contains sangonin, a substance that makes one dizzy and creates illusions. This might be fun for a night. I don’t know why they added Taurine to the product. It messes up the sleep wake cycle in my brain and I hear is the reason for the crash I get after I drink highly caffeinated beverages. It stimulates my central nervous system, and I guess that’s why it causes high blood pressure, strokes, seizures, and heart disease.
I guess the caffeine in Loko is okay, since I’m hooked on coffee anyway, with all the Coke, Fixx, Monster, and Rockstar I drink during the day. When I skip my caffeine fix, I feel really tired and depressed, have a little headache and some dizziness, and my muscles feel a little stiff. But all this is gone, once I have my daily energy drinks. The drink gives me a little buzz, and keeps me awake in the morning for my classes.
In the evening, with a can of LOKO, I let “the green fairy” out to do its magical thing. The upper lets me speed up, the downer says: “No, slow down, and my heart says sometimes: “ let me stop for a minute and think about it”